The Worst of Times are the Best of Times

One of the things I have learned in this process of illness is that many times, the best of times are actually in the worst of times, though circumstances and emotions claim otherwise. The worst of times, both emotionally and circumstantially, I have come to discover, are the seasons in which the grace for doing what you’ve been doing begins to lift, and you reach this unbearable point of breaking, screaming, “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” It is your lowest point emotionally/spiritually/mentally/even physically…but it is one of your best moments as well.

What do I mean by “the grace.” God gives us the grace to persevere and/or do whatever it is He has required us to do whether that be performing one’s daily activities, fulfilling one’s responsibilities, or going through a trial of some kind, with a strength and tenacity that we don’t understand and could never claim as our own.. Grace is His strength and mercy that empowers us to continue to accomplish tasks, bear fruit, and maintain a positive outlook and/or our faith in His goodness, which, to an observer (and even ourselves), appears ridiculous and impossible.

That’s why, many times, you will find people doing these great feats, enduring incredible adversity, yet functioning; not just surviving, but actually somehow living, and with gladness. So you marvel, “Wow! How in the world can you do all that? How can you raise 6 boys and suffer from chronic fatigue and hormonal imbalances? How can you continue to smile and be joyful following a painful divorce and the sudden death of your son? How in the world can you run a nonprofit ministry that continues to grow, be an active leader in you church, and serve and love on countless needing people throughout the REGION, and yet still be a caretaker of a critically ill child at home?” Quite frankly, they can’t! Not on their own. They are only able to beat incredible odds because they are walking in the grace the Lord has given them.

But there comes a point when the grace begins to wane. You don’t know when this point will be until, all of the sudden, your ability to cope and do what you’ve been doing dissipates. You find yourself becoming increasingly weary of the process. Now, this is not to say that you won’t have ups and downs emotionally throughout the process with the grace. We are emotional beings, and we will grow weary in the battle from time to time, but the Lord is faithful to give us His sufficient grace that lifts us out of our “hole” and places us on our feet again to continue fighting the good fight and running the race. I’m not talking about these vacillating moments of weariness throughout the ordeal. I’m talking about a progressive, wearing sense, that starts as a quiet whisper in your spirit, an ever so small flicker of a thought, but gradually, the whisper becomes louder, more and more noticeable..from whisper, to mutter, from mutter, to statement, from statement to directive, from directive to a shout. That feeling of, “…I….can’t…do…this…” It is these times that I am referring to…these are best/worst of times.

The grace is waning; it suddenly occurs to you that what you’ve been doing, you just can’t do much longer…you’re tired, you’re feeling this closing in claustrophobic sensation, a sinking, trapped imprisonment crouching in, where all you want to do is curl up in a fetal position and hide from life, hide from the circumstance or problem, stop everything and bury yourself in the ground.

What makes matters worse…you know you can’t. You can’t run away from an illness that is ransacking your body; you can’t just pull the plug on your mother/fatherhood responsibilities. You can’t stop working at that job that is providing for your family…you can’t stop, but oh! You desire it. You wish it would all disappear, vanish, be done, pinch me and wake me up from this nightmare. If only life could be solved with a wish to a magic genie and poof! The trial is gone!

Dear reader, this is the point when it seems there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, and actually, the end of the tunnel is closer than you can imagine. The grace is lifting because the Lord is getting ready to reposition you from doing what you’ve been doing. His all sufficient grace was to get you through the valley, but not to leave you in the valley. His grace was like the manna in the desert, miraculous provision to get you through the wilderness, but the manna ceases once you cross into the Promise Land (ref. Josh. 5:12). The Lord is “weaning” you off the grace He’s been providing because you are about to make a transition to a new place in your circumstance, in which you won’t need that grace anymore.

Now, I can’t tell you when that transition will be or what it will look like: sometimes it means making changes in your schedule to operate in the level of grace the Lord is providing. Other times, it might be that you make some other changes, such as switching to a different doctor, or becoming more involved in church activities. It could also possibly mean that the Lord is about to do a miracle in your life, and deliver you completely. We don’t know what the change will be, but rest assured, a change is coming and will be sooner than you think.

Know this: while you are in the transitional period, the tears will continue fall and increase in number, your tension will keep rising, you will feel as though your emotions will burst and shatter, and you will start to believe that you have never in your life been in so much agony as at this moment in time. But don’t lose heart! This worst time in the season is your best time in the season…because it means you are at the nearest point to the end of the season than you've ever been before! A breakthrough is right around that corner; and once His grace ceases, you will have emerged victorious.